In middle school we read The Giver by Lois Lowry. If you say you enjoyed that book, you are lying. I always try to find the best in everything, but I really struggled with that one. However, if you have never read The Giver, which I doubt anybody hasn't, all you really need to know for now is that it's set in a dystopian society (wow so original) and this kid gets picked to be "the Giver", which is the person that basically takes on all of the physical emotional pain of everybody in the whole society. The book made it seem like being the Giver would be pretty terrible, eventually causing the main character to run away from society altogether. But right now, I would kill to be able to feel other people's pain, because until we can do that we'll never be able to truly understand their struggles. I like haveing a lot on my plate (metaphorically) most of the time. I try not to put myself into situations where I can help and choose not to. This brings me a lot of internal conflict because there's a fine line between "your problem/ responsibility" & "not your problem/ responsibility". Few things make me more frustrated than when I can't help somebody I really want to. We all have that friend who we've know since birth, and even if you maybe aren't as close to them now as you've been in the past, you'd still drop anything to go to their aid. Things were getting better, we talked things out and then I found out I was lied to and I just don't know what to think. To attempt to accurately describe how I feel: picture this- you're working on a video project for school and iMovie/Final Cut/ Premier Pro is working well, which is weird because it is always janky. You feel that you are making a lot of progress and this project is going to turn out to be spectacular. Then your computer shuts down unexpectedly. It's okay though because your project saved automatically right? Nope. You log back on and all of your progress has been lost and now you have to start at square one. Except now not only are you exasperated because your project got deleted, but you're running out of time and have to slap something together really quickly. You're less focused on getting a good result and more focused on just finishing the project. We've all been, there. It's where I am right now, except I'm not dealing with a computer. There's the side of me that wants to give up, I'm done being sympathetic and since I never know what to believe, I can't really be empathetic. But then there's the loyal side, knowing it isn't my responsibility, but still wanting to fix her problems. I'm torn, I really am and at this moment I can't tell y'all what I'm going to do about it because I honestly have no idea. But what I do know is that even though I may not be able to help, God can and if we ask for His guidance, we're going to get it. It won't come in words most likely. You've got to keep both of your eyes and ears open for a sign and you've got to be patient. One of my favorite bible verses, 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, "For this momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen; for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are unseen at eternal" When you're unsure of something, it helps to try to look at the big picture. However a lot of the time God is the only one who can actually see the big picture. We need to trust His plan and take whatever he puts in our path with gratitude, knowing that out struggles are only making us stronger.
fun stuff.
These past couple of weeks have been a bit too emotional for me to handle, truth be told. See, I'm a big believer in the fact that nothing is really a big deal in the grand scheme of things because God is bigger than everything around us. He has a plan and if something happens it's because God intended for it to. However in the past two weeks I have gone through a lot from officially deciding not to do Lariettes again to this whole friend debacle I talked about about. On top of that I gave up sweets & junk food (so my entire diet) for lent and have a hard time replacing the stuff I gave up with healthy stuff, instead I just don't eat that much (oops). So if you'd pray for me, that'd be greatly appreciated. Oh and also my friend, who I will not name, Jesus knows who you're talking about.
I wouldn't dare leave a post on a negative note because that's just not my style. So here are some awesome things that have happened...
- There's a new girl in my grade and she seems super cool, I mean we have the same watch so basically we were made to be best friends. Some of my friends wanted to meet her yesterday at lunch so I took them to say hi and later she told me it made her day, which made mine.
- My mom's birthday was yesterday and she spent a couple hours of it listening to me cry over dance stuff. She rocks if you don't talk to your mom, you really should. Moms are awesome.
- I went to my dance teacher's wedding and OMG it was beautiful! Here's the video of their first dance to Mirrors by JT, go watch it: https://vimeo.com/90272683
- As I mentioned, I am not continuing with Lariettes and this week is tryout week. I thought I'd be kind of sad but I'm not at all, which can only mean God has some great stuff in store for me instead of drill team. When people tell me they miss me or it's weird without me it feels good in the sense that I have made enough of an impact on them for them to notice my absence.
- Sarah is great and she can sense when I'm strugglin', so I talked to her and I feel much better. Go friends!
Okay y'all if you have gotten this far, thanks for sticking out my less than cheery post. Have a beautiful day :)
In His Name,
Meredith
questions, comments or prayer requests? Feel free to email me: meredithmunro@icloud.com
**PRAYER REQUESTS**
My dance company as we travel and compete in Houston this weekend & all of the girls trying out for Lariettes/ Silver Stars tonight!
Some relevant songs: Make Me Whole by Ayleron & Worn by Tenth Avenue North
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